he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
