Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
