I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
