Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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