They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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