I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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