i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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