they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
