TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
