Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
