I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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