did you get engaged???
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
