Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
