yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
