Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
