Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
