Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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