im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
