drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just google imaged poop.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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