Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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