You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
