i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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