i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
