P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
