we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
