peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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