I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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