in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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