And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
