kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
