My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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