he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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