There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
