you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
