What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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