thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
