mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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