Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
