I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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