The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
