I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
