so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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