awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
