You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
