Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
