you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
