you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
