Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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