Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
