she was so not down for the gang bang
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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