she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
